“Discarded”

In addition to New Supply, discarded is another term frequently used by victims of emotional abuse. They’ve been “discarded by their narc.”   

The dictionary defines discard as disposing of something that is no longer useful or desirable.   

Is that really how we want to refer to ourselves? I can see if they do it because we are tools for them to get what they want and need in life. But that is not who we actually are as people or our purpose in life. 

We need to change our mindset and vocabulary – not let their words or actions define us. The way you talk to yourself about yourself is your reality. You’ll stay stuck in victim mentality if you keep referring to yourself as discarded.

In most relationships, it’s simply referred to as a breakup. I’m not sure who started calling it a discard. But if I had to guess, I’d say it was a narc. That’s how they think. The narc said it to the victim, it got internalized by that victim and repeated to someone else, and here we are with narc lingo that is so damaging. Why do we want to damage ourselves even more than they have done to us?

The fact is, the ending of the relationship is a blessing.    

If they left you, then you should be thankful. The trash took itself out. Honestly, that’s probably the best-case scenario. If it’s the narc’s idea, that makes them happy – they love everything that’s their idea, right?!  

If you left them, do you feel like you’ve discarded them because you’re the one that left them? No, it’s a breakup. It’s protection mode. It’s fed up with this bullshit, and I am not taking it anymore mode. But, it’s not discarding them. You loved them, but you realized they didn’t love you the same way, and you deserve better. Narcs don’t think this way – they think you are a tool.  

The next time you find yourself thinking you’ve been discarded, remember you are not a tool. You are a strong, beautiful soul who wanted love but got tangled in the web of lies and abuse by an evil, self-centered person. And now, you are lucky to be untangling yourself from that mess.  

Your best life awaits you – happy, healthy, and free from criticism and shame. You weren’t discarded; you were given a second chance at life. Think of it as coming back from the dead with a whole new appreciation for life. 

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A Note from the Author:

I am not a therapist or life coach, and I don’t pretend to be one on the internet. These blogs are my thoughts, perspective, and experiences based on my nine-year relationship with a malignant narcissist and my healing journey since leaving him.

The ideas suggested are simple for a reason. Trauma rewires the brain, and healing needs to start with simple, doable steps.   

It’s also not my intention to imply this is a gender-specific issue. My blogs are written from a woman’s perspective because I am one. Men suffer from emotional abuse too. I hope they can overlook the gender terms and adapt the content to be relevant to their own experience.

All my best to you,
TLD